Back to Normal???

 Around here glimpses of SPRING can be seen although this week it can't be felt....brrr, it's much too chilly!

The new flip flops were tested out and just waiting on those warmer days to be worn.

 



The spring dresses are washed and ready for a warm sunny day to frolic in them.....



I wore this dress as a child.
It was made by my Mother
thus a little sentimental for me.



......and some were even modeled! 

A birthday was celebrated with passion (cause that's how Connor does things!)



Windows were washed...by some
good friends, of course!

  

  And we started to do our laundry and cleaning again with the help of the little ones to carry the load (2 more weeks til I can lift again)

So basically we are back to normal???

Our new normal!!!  My cancer is considered Stage III.  My surgeon is pleased how I am recovering post-op, and I feel really good.  I have my initial consultation with the oncologists on Wed. March 23 to discuss my plan of treatment.  Several days before these "big" or "unknown" appointments, I find my mind starting to wonder off in many directions and those thoughts need to be prayerfully lassoed in.  I find a lot of hope and comfort in

 Jeremiah 29: 11-13  "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not to harm, to give you a future with hope.  Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me;  if you seek me with all your heart.

A Pathology Report and Mixed Emotions

Let me start out with saying that anytime I spend the day with this smiley chubby little boy my day is brightened.  This is Dillon, my sister's 9 month old little guy who is just so pleasant and makes me grin.

My sister, Bev, spent the day with me and chauffeured me to my doctor appointment.   It was great to have her emotional support, pampering, and her witty way of making me laugh.

I must also say that my surgeon, Dr DeVos, is such a caring, gentle, soft spoken man with a great sense of humor who has won my utmost respect with how he has provided my care and handled these sensitive issues.

So, the Doc first removed my staples and applied butterfly strips to my incision.  This was not painful and caused me no emotional stress.  On the other hand...getting the drain pulled out was one of those moments that I will always be able to think back upon and shudder when remembering the feeling of this very long tube( I honestly had no idea it was that long)being pulled through my abdomen and out through the skin;  more icky and weird then painful.  My abdomen is now stirred up and more sore, but I do now have some "good" pain meds. to help me deal with the discomfort.

On a more serious note, the surgeon gently revealed that I cannot consider myself cancer-free.  He removed 60 lymph nodes from my colon (apparently I have an overabundance of lymph nodes because he said most people have 15 or so in that particular area of the colon, but I had 60.  This is not good nor bad, just the # that I had).  Out of 60, only 2 of the lymph nodes were infected with cancer.  The cancer had also spread into the left ovary which they removed.  It had NOT spread into my bladder or abdominal wall, but the mass had just attached itself to those areas.  Since I am young (yeah, 39 is still young, just in case there are any teenagers reading this) and they want the best long term prognosis for me, the Docs words were "they are going to throw the book at you".  My next step is to see an oncologist and will probably start chemo in about a month.  He said chemo would last approx. 6 months., but I will get a better idea of what this will look like once I meet with the oncologist.  He did encourage me with the fact that he feels I have come through this surgery amazingly well, and that means something going forward.  Of course, I'm thinking that I'm glad I did not come through this poorly because "amazingly well" was NO fun.

So....How do I feel about all of this???

That's where the mixed emotions come in.  On one hand, I realize that the report could have been much worse and I'm praising my Saviour that is wasn't.......but, on the other end of things, Chemotherapy never paints a pretty thought in one's mind and was a path that I was hoping and praying I would not have to walk through.  Take heart in knowing that I am not down and out about this.  I really believe that God has a purpose and a plan for allowing this trial into my life and at the end of all this, I will have a clearer vision of what that plan is and I will be able to fulfill that purpose with a renewed zeal and eternal perspective that I would have otherwise missed out on.  He loves us so much, it's AWESOME!

PS...I still really need your prayers;  not only for me, but for Shawn and the children as well...we are in this together!   And thank you to everyone who is helping us in one respect or another.  It may seem like a small task that you are doing, but to us it is HUGE...everyone has been such a blessing!

"I Will Hear"

"Before they call, I will answer;  and while they are yet speaking, I will hear"   Isaiah 65:24

     My dear sister-in-law blessed me with this inspiring story about a missionary nurse in Africa.  A mother had died in child birth leaving a small daughter and a premature baby.  The baby could only survive if kept warm and their only hot water bottle was broken.  In the years that the nurse was there, no one had ever sent her a parcel.  How were they to get a hot water bottle.  She gathered the rest of the orphans around and one girl prayed "Dear God, please send a hot water bottle this afternoon because it will be too late tonight, the baby will die, and also send a dolly to comfort the baby's sister".  The missionary nurse felt the prayer of the little girl was ridiculous....But, that afternoon a parcel came from a Sunday school class in England with a hot water bottle and a dolly.  It would have had to be sent 5 months prior to them even before they prayed.

     God is so good and He cares about each one of us and everything we are experiencing.  He feels our pain and will carry us though.  He knows all our needs before we even pray.  I say this and know this even though I just called my Mother and cried my eyes out.  I tried to sleep, but do have more discomfort since the good pain meds ran out( I will talk to Doc again tomorrow about this...the Advil and Tylenol just aren't doing the same job like he thought, plus I should feel better after getting my staples and JP drain removed tomorrow also...they are both really irritating me now).  I do feel all of your prayers, but HONESTLY, knowing that I will find out the pathology results tomorrow is pressing on my thoughts and burdening my mind tonight....Please keep praying.  It's getting late, so I will hand these cares over to the One that can carry them for me and I will get some sleep now.  Good Night My Friends!

An Outing Then A Long Nap

     I decided that a small outing was due.  Connor had a race car derby that he was participating in today and I really didn't want to miss it.  My 2 littlest ones went to my sisters house Thurs. eve and would be there til tonight, so I had 2 days of quietness to get some extra rest. 

      So, Shawn, Connor, and I attended the race derby at 10 am.  All the race cars were hand made and had to weigh in at 5oz. or less.  This is just a fun side activity that the children from his AWANA wed. night program can participate in, if they want to.

Here is Connor getting his car into racing position.  I didn't count, but there was approx. 20+ racers in his age group.  Depending on how you placed each race, you were eliminated accordingly.  It was actually heart breaking to see one or two of the children when they knew they were done.  They had put so much heart and soul into it their little race cars, but overall everyone had a great time.

This is the car that Shawn and Connor worked on together.  Connor wanted the #4 put on his car and he ended up getting 4th place.  We joked with him that next year he should put #1 on his car.  He was such a good sportsman about "almost" getting a trophy in one of the top 3 spots.  Way to go Connor!

     Anyway, we didn't stay for the whole event, but got home just 1 1/2 hours later.  I had lunch and then hit the couch feeling rather worn out.  I realized just how tiring this small outing was when I awoke 4 1/2 -5 hours later....and boy, did I ever sleep.

Home Feels Good

     Home sure does feel good.  Wed. and Thurs. were really tough days;  I was thrilled to be home, loved the visitors and phone calls, but was exhausted and very nauseous.  Thurs. afternoon, my Mom took me for a cystogram where they inserted dye into my bladder to see if it had healed enough to take the catheter out.  Yeah....it had, and so they removed the catheter at that time, which is enough to make one feel better instantly.  I am scheduled to have my staples removed and my JP drain removed from my abdomen on Mon. Feb. 28th.  It sounds painful, but I think I will feel so much better once that is done.  My dear sister Bev is spending that day with me and it should be interesting having her to take me to that appointment;  she feels faint just thinking about it. LOL.
     Spoke with my surgeon today;  he said the preliminary report revealed that all the edges of everything they took out with surgery were clean.  On Mon. he should have the rest of the report back which will tell whether the cancer was in the lymph nodes and whether it was actually in the things they removed(ovary, fallopian tube, abdominal wall, and small part of bladder)or if the mass had just wrapped itself around those organs.  Please continue to pray for a miracle report!
     My parents left Thurs. evening to head back to Florida.  Their support and sacrifice was just so overwhelming to me and I can't thank them enough for being here for my family.   But....as my Mom said as she left "Tina, I wouldn't have it any other way....this is what family is all about".  I love you Mom and Dad!

Hey Kristi...this cheerful boutique was from you...thank you for blessing me and loved chatting with you also.

Going Home

Goodbye bed which caused my tailbone to ache,

Goodbye cheery yellow walls, and super nice nurses!

     I left the hospital on Tuesday, Feb. 22 with surprisingly mixed emotions.  Getting my first real shower that morning felt absolutely refreshing, but just getting ready to go and packing up my few scattered things just about did me in.  By the time my Mom and the transporters came to my room, I was wheeled down to the exit feeling exhausted, nauseous, and wondering if I was really ready to go home.  Was I going to be able to handle all the excitement there with 3 small people ready to have their Mommy home?  So with tears, I climbed into our vehicle, so grateful for the great care I had received, happy to see my Dad and children who were in the vehicle, and praising Jesus for his sustenance and care through this time and trusting Him to continue to provide me with the strength and healing that I need in the days to come.

4th Day Post-op

Hi..It's me, Tina.  Shawn brought my computer in yesterday.  My sister, Bev, has been keeping you posted I believe.  My surgery went well although the surgeon ran into some things he was not expecting.  The mass was attached to the abdominal wall, left ovary and fallopian tube, and my bladder.  The ovary and fallopian tube were removed and actually gave the surgeon the worst trouble.  Part of the abdominal wall was removed and then repaired and likewise with the bladder.  I need to have my catheter at least a week since the bladder had to be repaired.   Because these areas were attached, they were not able to perform the surgery lapriscopically, so I have a beautiful long incision up my abdomen and a small one on the right side which has a drain attached to it.  My greatest pain was immediately after surgery and was not related to my incision, but instead my lower back.  Evidently my muscles were seizing with spasms from lying on that hard bed in the OR for so long(approx. 4 1/2 hours).  The surgeon actually operated 3 hours.  The pain medicine was not touching my back pain and I couldn't get comfortable or rest; my body was so tense and I couldn't think about anything else since it was so intense.  My personal aide, Shawn, was kept busy trying to get me comfortable and he did try with such patience and concern.  Finally at 7pm I talked to the resident again and said that I would not get any sleep that night if I didn't get relief, plus I felt myself getting very anxious.  They more then doubled my pain medicine and I could feel it working.  All of a sudden my vision became clearer and I felt 90% better and knew I could handle anything else because I could finally think straight.  Later that night they gave me a pain pump that I could regulate the pain on my own.  Yesterday they removed the IV bags and the pain pump.  Today I actually get to try some food.  My incision is very sore which I am taking Percocet around the clock, but I'm incredibly weak and tire quickly.  I sit here and do nothing, and I know that's what I'm supposed to do, but I'm just not used to being in this position.  I keep asking the nurses if there is something I should be doing because when I'm at home there is always something on my mind that needs done......That's just how we mothers are, I guess.  Please continue to pray.  We do not have the pathology report back yet, so we are prayerful that it will be a good one.  Talk to you later;  I think I need to rest.
PS.  The doc is very pleased with my progress and might send me home tomorrow.  YEAH!